I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
