Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
