it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
