Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
