How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
