I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
