Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You made out with two different species that night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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