Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize