3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm getting married
To pizza
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
