Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
