my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
