We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
