that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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