what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
