She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
