Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
