Ambien. No doubt about it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
