video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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