You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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