If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
