no, he came in my armpit
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
