Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
