weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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