Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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