just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
