I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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