Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
