Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
