when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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