haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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