I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
