my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
