So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
