The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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