Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
