It was confusing and full of hummus
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
