I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize