That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
