Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
