You're completely useless in the revolution.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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