She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
