No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize