i just had sex bonerless
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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