I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize