I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
