Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Pants are for mortals
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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