The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
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