I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
