I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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