Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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