I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
