i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Randomize
