first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
