i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
please come you make the beer taste better
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
