How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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