hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
