OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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