You can't special order awesome
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
