i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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