Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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