Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
