dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
