Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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