Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize