You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
