i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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