Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize