You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
