my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
