Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
