I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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