Come see our sink grown plant.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
