You're completely useless in the revolution.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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